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Pastor gets publicly humiliated

Tales from the Hood

I remember attending a burial at Chingwere and y'all know that attending a burial at that cemetery is enough to make you cry when you look at the state of affairs, anyway i digress.
So tenze kumalilo yaba neighbour and for some reason there was no church service yet she went to church every Sunday. Oh i remember she hadnt remitted sufficient funds for the church book offering anyway her family could not afford to pay the arrears hence the church would not accept her as a member worthy of a funeral church service.
Fast Foward, at the cemetery one of the relatives came with a Charismatic Pastor form a church that was not mentioned who preached the word in such convincing tones. The message was just right and from the looks of things every one was somehow touched as even the most hyper hoodlums quietened down and paid attention to the sermon.
As we were all getting carried away with the sermon and entering the second heaven in spirit the pastor dropped his pen and as fate would have it he bent over to pick it up then lo and behold Kajilijili (Totapack) fell from his pocket. Chabwela Chaweleketa! There is no english eqivalent for this but the closest would be 'it was wild'. As things begun playing out in front of him i instantly had a soundtrack at the back of my mind by PK Chishala..."mwila shenteka Lesa mwe banensu Lesa tabepwa ala sebanya ilingiline pamenso yabantu" loosely translated to mean never mock God dear friends as he usually embarrasses in front of people.
One of the grave diggers who had been imbibing a 25 liter of Chibuku dived for Jili but not before the past quickly snatched it. there was so much noise and commotion that some people that had come for other funerals came jumping and stepping on peoples graves to have a glimpse of what was going on. They hoodlums coxed the good Pastor to give them some drops of the Kajilijili as it was enough to go round.
That my dear readers is how the Prayers were cut short and the women started burying because it looked like the drama would not end. Halfway through, unclear whether the pastor had given them some drops the men returned seemingly extra energetic and completed the burying. The good Pastor was then called upon to say the final prayer and when he said Amen he got a thunderous applause.
Thinking of this story i am convinced that tu Jilijili twenze na ncito kuchila Junta mwe.....Look Out for Another Jili story coming up soon


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