Tales from the Hood: For Better or Worse

In its normal dramatic style the hood came to life, characterized by the young ones all running towards one direction and the adults walking hurriedly towards the same directions. This meant only one thing to get up and run towards the same direction. In my hood it doesn’t matter what it is people just follow everyone without asking questions, one decides whether to stay and watch the party or retreat and head home after they have set eyes on the drama.

I ran hurried along asking anyone I made eye contact with “Nichani ayi” (what is it?), the only response I got was Kaya (I don’t know). I knew for a fact that it was not a fight, it had to be jucier than that because when it’s a fight everyone is invited to come and see it by the young ones who chant “whoo won, who won”.

Aunt Yvonne as she was fondly known was the life of the party, she was married to Uncle G, an accountant at one of the filling stations. Aunt Yvonne would go out all day and drink half the night, her husband loved her so much so that he would return from work, cook for her and even even run a hot bath for her when she got back at night. As she got worse in her all day all night drinking Uncle G started telling Aunt Yvonne he would leave her one day.

One day Uncle G did not come home his wife in panic went to his work place and found him and he told her that he had moved on. Aunt Yvonne certain that he would return went back home to continue her ways. When she realized that he wasn’t coming she went to make noise at his office to cause drama. However, uncle G told the guard to never let her in and she was denied entry.

Months later Aunt Yvonne went into labour and delivered a baby boy. As soon as she was discharged from the hospital she got on a cab that took her straight to Uncle G’s office. In the cab she undresses the new born baby, carried it naked and walked straight into Uncle G’s Office and left it on the table for him without a word.

Uncle G the senior accountant at his office had no option but to take his shirt off and wrap the new born in it. He ran out of his Office shirtless calling his ex-wife and begging her to take the baby.  Aunt Yvonne seized the moment and gave uncle G her conditions which included him taking her back as his wife. Since he had moved in with another woman and lived in a different township, he had no option but to do as she requested for the sake of the baby.

He took a day off work, went shopping for baby clothes and requirements, including beddings and blankets. He took her to his house where they found his wife whom he explained the situation to. Aunt Yvonne, demanded that she sleeps in the bedroom on the double bed she laid her new beddings and set her new born on the bed feeling triumphant.

As they say, you can never compete with a woman, a man is in love with. The four months Aunt Yvonne lived in that house, not one day did Uncle G sleep in the same bed as her and the baby. He provided everything that they needed food, shelter, clothes but remained cold as ice until she couldn’t take it anymore. She left and moved back to the hood.

One never leaves the hood, without those that remain in the hood knowing what happens where they go. Aunt Yvonne’s stories were shared for breakfast lunch and supper. When she moved back, the stories were carefully whispered for to be caught by Aunt Yvonne snitching was the worst thing that could happen to anyone.  

So back to the drama happening in the hood on that day, I rushed along and when I got to the house number where all the traffic was headed, my eyes almost popped out of their sockets a woman whom I recognized as aunt Yvonne swang into action. She grabbed an Old woman we called AGOGO in a firm chock hold threw over the sholder and sat on her she then begun punching the woman.

Everyone looked on and nobody made a move to go and stop the fight. Aunt Yvonne was the hood champion, she was known to have enough strength to beat 3 men at once. If you knew what was good for you, then you knew not to meddle in her affairs. Apparently when the fight started she told everyone to stay clear and not make a move.

We all stood by hopelessly as the old woman cried saying she would never again tell lies and spread false rumors about anyone. As she was confessing Ba Mavy and her Friends appeared at the scene and without a word Ba Mavy gave AGOGO two slaps whilst telling her to slow down with the rumor mongering. The old woman was only saved by Awisi Tinka, a  police who lived in the hood, miraculously appeared in uniform and managed to stop the fight.

Whilst the members of the hood sympathetically looked on, they walked away whispering to each other that Yvonne and Mavy did AGOGO good. Everyone was tired of her toothless gossiping and she took advantage of everyone because they were scared of the being a Witch, all that remained was speculation on what the witch would do to Aunt Yvonne and ba Mavy…