Often after the hustle and buzz of life comes to a halt, mostly
when am all alone, the silence creeps in and it’s to real to pretend, I worry
about myself. I worry about my sanity, about the decisions I make and have made in the past. I wonder if I have faith in things, things like love...
Life Offers Various
Experiences (LOVE) is what a friend of my says about love. I know about betrayal and how it can permanently scare the
pure element of faith in people. I know all about pain because in as much as we
think of it most as physical and can monitor the physical pain heal, emotional
pain is worse. I know how consuming anger can be I have been there but love, love and the things love does to people...
I know all this because I have been through it; I have felt it
all, known it to its depth and most importantly survived it. And yet am still uncertain as to whether I can comprehend love, the one thing
that most people base their relationships. I have come to the realisation that love
cannot be unconditional merely because it ends when human beings fall out of
it. Many times, we delude ourselves to believe that it wasn't love in
the first place. But then again there moments when love becomes routine and
like a candle it slowly fizzles out and dies.
As human beings we usually have a yearning for Love. Perhaps it’s
because of the magical fairy tale effects of love that we grow up hearing,
seeing, reading and watching. Maybe its just our curiosity that kicks in and in
the process we are infatuated with the idea of love, of loving, of being love
and being IN love. While we are incensed with the idea, we forget how needy,
selfish and onerous love can get which makes it ugly.
That moment when you are loved so much so that you are checked
on atleast 4 times of every hour every day. You are woken up to sweet words
straight to your ears, text or even phone. When your every need is anticipated
and taken care of even before its completely processes in your mind. Love can
be beautiful and amazing but when it becomes routine it becomes a burden. One of
the parties will begin to feel like the checking on each other is exhausting
and it in turn becomes a chore. This leads to resentment, disinterest and
disappointments. In the whole process of this love business it appears as
though so much is invested yet a deficiency is constant.
The irony is that we spend so much time looking for love,
yearning and wanting to be loved and yet we never get to the realization that the
love we seek is in someone we know, someone we take for granted and fail reciprocating
their love. Often because of our perceptions of what people may think of us,
because we want a ‘Trophy’ that we can hang on the wall and show to the world
regardless of the value it adds to our lives. Unfortunately, time waits for no
body and cannot be reset.
Love is intricate. It’s like a tidal wave that starts and goes
on and on. No one can ever understand of feel what those in love feel. It’s a feeling
that puts your mind in constant turmoil while you struggle to justify emotions.
No matter how many times you are asked what you see in the person u love. No matter
how much the love is unreciprocated, it can never match what consumes you. It is
the equivalent of temporal insanity. It is not something that can be
premeditated it just happens.
The realization of unreciprocated love is enough to set one
on a roller coaster of pain and anguish. How can one convince themselves and accept to be loved as second best. to be the fall back plan, to be the one that hides in the shadows because number 1 should not know even. How can you accept such pain and anguish on yourself? how folly!
In the process of trying to get off the roller coaster,
there is always the constant desperation, the need and hope for a signal that
can prove otherwise, that can show that it is after all mutual love.
Love is insane, love
is painful, love cruel but still Love is Human.
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